It’s a rainy Saturday afternoon in Newport Oregon and the “comfortable, modern lobby” of the Holiday Inn Express is uncharacteristically busy. The printer/copy machine has been in continual operation for a while as three 20 something young people, and what appears to be their father, uncle, grandmother and cousin, a ten-year-old girl, collaborate on an upcoming event. “We found these jazz albums in his record collection,” someone says, “so we need Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington.” Someone else remembers, “How about Coltrane? What’s his first name? The attractive woman with the long blond braid seems to be in charge of the music, telling everyone, “Just get me the exact title of the song or piece you want, and I’ll find it on Spotify.” The tall slender young man appears to be editing a document, as the group decides to divide it into four segments so each grandchild can read a section. “Has anyone timed the reading of the whole thing?” someone asks.
This must be the way it looked to the hotel desk clerk, who asked me the following morning, “Were you preparing for a memorial?” Yes, I said, “You’ve heard of destination weddings – well, for our far-fling family, this is a destination funeral ritual. We’ve flown here from 5 different states to celebrate the life of our eldest member who lived here the last 20 years of his 94-year long life. He died five months ago. She didn’t ask, but the look on her face seemed to say, “Wow! Why would you go to so much trouble?”
To answer that question, even to myself I look to what grief expert Alan D Wolfelt calls, the six reconciliation needs of mourning.
- Acknowledge the reality of the death
- Move toward the pain of the loss
- Develop a new self identity
- Read more
Loss visits in many forms. Of hopes. Of opportunities. Of partnerships. Of health. When mourning, a process for bereavement and rebuilding helps. Dr. Sheila Collins’ web site is a treasury of uplifting resources. Visit here.
Succeed and Soar!
